Loving & Tattooed Fuckface
Hey Fuckface,
Sometimes I think there is a perception of me that I am stubborn (shocking: I am) and that I am unwilling to change, but I think most people are in that camp I am just very loud and outgoing and a semi-public person so it’s noticeable. And I have written multiple books criticizing and interrogating the self-help and wellness rigmarole that has increasingly made people feel like they are not good enough, or that they can pay for specious things to make them better.
I’m not against growth, I just think the entire self-improvement industry is full of bullshit and self-centered practices and is peddled by the human version of bed bugs, scouring the world, sniffing for CO2, waiting to strike. I do want to be less of a shithead to people (the people I like and respect, but the people I dislike and don’t respect can be treated like their heads are literally made of shit, which to me, they are).
I’ve said it before. I don’t do resolutions. Maybe because of artistic practice (or because I like to be a bit of a contrarian), I am more of a goals person. I like goals. Things I can work towards. Yearly goals are fun. And they can be small or big. Whatever size you like, just like a DQ Blizzard or a dildo.
My goals this year were to spend more time with the people I love and get more tattoos. These are not career goals or fitness goals or financial goals or travel goals. Or what I call typical, adult, personal goals. Those are the kinds of goals I don’t feel comfortable making or talking about. Career goals I feel superstitious about. Fitness goals feel kind of icky in so many ways and I don’t think I personally have the nuance to articulate what a fitness goal might be without coming off as a total shithead (head made of shit!). And financial goals just seem like something that would set me up for failure because when you have multiple jobs, none of which are really stable, it’s really playing yourself to make that kind of goal. And travel goals? Travel itself feels so fraught to me that a goal around it might be like, to make it one place I’d love to visit in my lifetime, not yearly travel goals like I’m collecting countries and cities like Pokémon cards. Or so that I can brag I’ve been there, or talk about my next trip instead of having an actual life.
No, I made achievable goals for me this year. And also goals that will bring me joy. Fucking happiness. Imagine! I like spending time with people I love, and during the pandemic nothing made me feel less whole than not doing that as much as I like to do. I still haven’t done quite as much of this as my little heart desires, but I can keep working on this goal! I can make time for people I love.
And tattoos? You book one and then you get it and then a piece of art lives on your body and you get to be like, wow, my skin is a canvas for my weird and very specific interests. Amazing!
When I think of resolutions I think about people doing hard things that they don’t really want to do. I want to do as much of the things I like and want to do as I possibly can. Because so much of life is doing awful things I hate doing. And I want to be able to choose to do more things that aren’t that.
I’m lucky that three of the tattoos I got this year were by an artist who is also a huge Succession fan. Talking about the hot TV show of this current time while getting inked is one of the most pleasurable experiences I’ve had this year.
Sometimes I choose to see friends instead of doing laundry. Or family comes to town with very little notice and I move around my schedule to make time for them because that’s more important than pretty much anything else. My kitchen might not be spotless, but I feel fine about it when I’m running errands with a friend.
My priorities are always a lot more id than not. It’s always been this way with me, even when I was a kid.
So Fuckface, I am here, loving the ones I love, and my own decorated skin.
xoxo
A Fuckface