Hey Fuckface,
I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you that there is a new member of the Fuckface family. And I don’t mean a human child, don’t be fucking disgusting! But it is connected to the organs and filthy body zones that are designed to make those things. And no, I am also not talking about a pet because I live in Vancouver, a place that is filled with dog parks, yet somehow also tenancy agreements designed by trash heap humans who think a small cat will destroy a one-bedroom apartment that is probably full of asbestos, but they act like a bed bug infestation is no big deal.
Anyway, my insides have been causing me trouble. I’m talking about my basement blood plumbing. Likely, part of it is related to aging and the bullshit that entails, but part of it is also off cycle in a way that made me wonder, fuck, should I actually attempt talking to a doctor.
I did and I found out I have a cool new ovarian cyst. Hot trend for spring 2023 is cyst. When I told the group chat one of my friends thought I typed “cryst” like, an abbrev for crystal, and that’s when I decided to name this cyst (Crystal) and give her an entire personality as my hot girl enemy. Her backstory is long and complicated, but suffice it to say she didn’t like that I have so many friends and decided to make it her job to make me less likely to socialize by making my life shittier.
Joke’s on her though because she’ll probably, eventually, GTFO on her own. And I’ll still be standing! Going to happy hour. Hopefully! She’s not big enough for more intervention, but not small enough to be not painful (I guess? I assume all cysts cause some pain) and she has not simply or quickly vacated my body. She’s been there for a while, how long I do not know.
So, for now, I wait. I feel weird sometimes. But different than my normal weird. But I’ve always a pal, riding around, like a cowgirl straddling an ovary, spurs dug in. Again, very anatomically correct description. I assume!
That’s my update. Yee fucking haw.
xoxo
A Fuckface
As your fellow cyster, I feel your pain ❤️