Piggybank's Lookin' Empty, Fuckface
Hey Fuckface,
The realities of the time honoured tradition of making money are getting bleaker and bleaker. People are making less money, things cost more, at most workplaces there is nothing but cost-cutting measures which usually translates into cutting pay, because of course no one ever has a better idea! The people making money decisions are only concerned if their money making is on the line, and not anyone making waaaaaay less than they are. What a power trip that must be. Sounds bad. I’d honestly hate to try it.
It is not enough to try anymore. Maybe it never was. Maybe trying at work and to find not terrible work was the greatest trick the devil ever pulled. Corporate post secondary institutions complain they are sooooo poor! They turn their pockets inside out and say, “Look, we have no monies!” They are cutting programs tightening purse strings (and these purses are fuglier than anything I’ve ever seen!) and laying people off and I think, truly, we never should have created for-profit education, but again, that’s just me, a girlie who thinks everyone deserves opportunities and not to be destitute and depressed! I mean depwessed, so it’s still cute. CUTIE!
Every day I read stories about people applying for 800 jobs before they get hired. Hundreds even to get an interview! Does that sound good? Does that sound like things are great? Does that sound like a world of unlimited possibilities? Not to me, but what do I know. People who depend on disability support can barely afford to pay for things. And yet, the worst among us think that’s really cool. And yet, the government will bail out all sorts of shitass corporations, but won’t increase those amounts so people can have a better life. And yet, there are people out here worshipping oligarchs and billionaires instead of rigging up mobile guillotines. Like, truly, maybe corporations are people. And cults. Or maybe I’m watching Severance with too deep of a reverence. Could be both.
I do not give four dozen million shits if people want to “milk” government systems. Who fucking cares? I do no think it’s bad for people to be given housing, or food, or money, or you know, any necessities that people require to survive. I, in fact, want people to thrive! I care more about people with immense amounts of wealth hiding their money because they have enough money to hire people who know how to hide money. And they’re not even doing it in a fun olden times way where they’re hiding it in a heavy chest somewhere so we could possibly solve an elaborate set of clues to find it. Like, at least give us that! I want a map with burnt edges and wordplay-laced mysterious clues that lead to a fortune in a big, old dusty chest!
It is a dirty lie when assholes say shit like, “People don’t want to work anymore!” Listen, no one ever really wanted to work! We were sold some rancid goods with that. First off, anyone taking a job at minimum wage cannot afford to be alive. Isn’t that hilarious?! I almost choked laughing it’s so funny. Also, getting a job is literally not some badge of honour. It’s a necessary part of living under capitalism. Working isn’t even that cool! Like, it’s fine or whatever. It doesn’t make you better than anyone. Truly.
Another lie I see out here is that businessmen should run everything, which as we can see, fucking sucks! Businessmen should not be running most things, even a business. Most of the current crop of people who I will call businessmen don’t seem to have any good qualities or nuance or real skills. Like, in business school maybe they should be forced to learn how to crochet or something, just so they have a useful skill to fall back on. So called “soft skills” are being trashed all the time, and yet, people who have those actual skills are able to do things like communicate, have empathy, understand the depth of human experience! Whatever, not important. Go golf with clients, you fucking turds! That’s how you become successful!
Hahahaha! I sound so mean, so again, just think of this as another lesson! A lesson in trashing people with power, influence and money, which weirdly offends those people. LMAO, buddy, learn some soft skills!
Since I am not getting rich as a meanness influencer, here is an idea for making money that I think is pretty cool!
Everyone Who Was Ever Mean to Me Sends Me $500 a Month Until They Die and Maybe Even After That™
This is pretty straight forward and it just feels right, you know? These fuckers have to be good for something and that something could be funding the life of an absolute cutie-pie: ME! Like, I can make a list of these people! There is no legal shit here. These people merely acknowledge their shittiness and meanness to me, a fucking DELIGHT and then they etransfer that money on the 1st of the month. I also will accept PayPal! See, I’m so benevolent I will accept two different payment types for slights against me! Pretty cool!
So that’s it, my one idea for financial success! Honestly, it’s pretty realistic compared to getting a well-paying job that doesn’t steal all my time and soul and doesn’t require I spend all my current non-working life applying for jobs. I’d rather go back to having hemorrhoids. I’d rather suffer some kind of intense physical trial and come out of it knowing I would have a job where I am paid a lot of money, have a reasonable schedule, great benefits and work for people who are good at what they do. I would rather fight ten rattlesnakes than go on LinkedIn. I would rather let an elderly elephant with IBS take a huge shit on me than write a resume geared towards a specific job that won’t even contact me for an interview. Also, I will not be using AI for the resume, because I have those soft skills, bitch! And AI is literally destroying the planet, so why would I use something that both steals from people and is taking our precious natural resources? Great question! Ask yourself that too!
Thanks for reading, Fuckface. I think this entire post is basically me signing my death certificate in terms of finding a better job. And honestly, maybe that’s fine! Maybe this is the break I needed. Maybe my enemies will send me that $500 a month until they die. I gotta keep the faith!
xoxo
A Fuckface
late stage capitalism is trash and yet people still won't let it go until it has destroyed everything and everyone. Ugh!
In UK media, people "milking the benefits system" is such a common screaming headline, despite how rare it actually is and what a tiny amount of money it is. Put that energy into lambasting the rich people and corporations who are really milking the systems!
$500 x [enemies of Dina] x 12 months = probably quite a lot of money and obviously a very good business idea.