Hey Fuckface,
Sometimes it’s better to shut up. I hate doing it. But saying what I really want to say isn’t always the thing I should say. Especially when I think I’m right. Not just when I think I’m right, but when I’m positive. Maybe a little too positive. Usually, it’s because I’m angry about something, and feel like lashing out. I’ve mellowed over the years a lot, but I’m still very zesty. Like, I’ve gone from one kind of spice to a lesser but still potent one.
Of course, this is why writing is great, because you can have a character be a little shit as your fantasy. It’s really fun! Act out, but on paper. Cooooool!! Edgy!! Dangerous!!
So, the times I know to zip it because I’m going to put myself in a rough situation happens more frequently now. Is it growth? Am I merely tired? Is crankiness the lesser form or rage?
But one thing that enrages me is zippers. Oh you thought you were doing to get outta here with some enlightened shit and no complaints? Think again, Pointdexter!
If you go online there are so many posts on reddit about terrible zippers on dresses and skirts. Videos instructing ADULTS on how to make a dress zip up more easily. And yes, many questions (and answers) about how to get out of a garment you are stuck in because of a shitty zipper.
And this last one, I know from experience. I have worn this beautiful dress picture below only once. In my home. While I tried it on to take this photo in my dirty mirror. Because I was stuck in this dress. I could not get out of it. Technically, I was stuck halfway in the dress, because the zipper came down to the waist, but would not cross the waist seam. And anyone who has tried to get one of this fucking hidden zippers over a waist seam on a dress knows that it’s the danger zone. Which is one of the inspirations for the Kenny Loggins song. LITTLE KNOWN FACT! (I can’t prove this fact, but I have to believe it’s true with every fibre of my being and every bit of fibre in my digestive tract.)
I waxed the zipper. The dress still did not work properly. I brought the dress to have the zipper replaced. I have tried to put it on again. The zipper came off the dress in the danger zone. A friend offered to fix the dress. It has not been in my home since then. I do feel a sense of relief at not trying to put this cursed garment on for a while.
This isn’t something where I can be like, “why is no one talking about this?” Because, people literally can’t stop talking about it. The only why I have is why do we still put up with this? Why can’t we figure out a better way? Why is this the only way to make a zipper? Or the only way to have a zipper on a garment? I have to believe it isn’t. I have to believe it’s laziness and misogyny and a lack of ideas. Because this sucks shit, bro! Don’t try and explain this shit to me, Big Zipper. Zip it! Fix it!
I’ve said what I came here to say.
xoxo
A Fuckface
I refuse to buy dresses with zippers in the back. Too much possibility for getting trapped
🤐